Something that I have had a hard time with for a very long time is my relationship with food. When I hear myself say the words “my relationship with food, “ so many words pop up into my head; words such as dieting, skinny, fat, gluten-free, sugar-free, no calories, eating more, eating less, not eating. This list goes on and on, and all of these words are things I have dealt with and experienced.
The story of my relationship with food starts with gymnastics. To give a little backstory, imagine a young girl from the ages 10-14 who weighs a little more than 100 pounds, who trains twenty- four hours a week and has not started her period. Imagine a girl who has such a bad relationship with food that she gives her lunch to her friends at school or after having a long, hard practice for four and a half hours puts her dinner down the drain or in a paper towel wrapped up and stuffed under trash so that it looks like she ate. A girl who feels the only way to succeed in the thing she loves more than anything is to not eat.
I look back at pictures of me during this time, when this young girl would look in the mirror and genuinely see looking right back at her a heavy, fat body. She saw a body that she not only didn’t like, but also thought was overweight and unattractive.
This is a girl who at 16, being forced to quit gymnastics due to injuries, felt that if she wasn’t working out, she shouldn’t eat. A girl who felt the only way to be healthy and fit was to count calories and cut out of her “diet” any food that wasn’t vegetables or nuts. A girl who thought she had a good relationship with food.
Now, I am 18 years old and no, my relationship with food is not perfect. However, my relationship with food is better and more consistent. Yes, I eat healthy. Yes, I eat dessert. Yes, I eat sweets. Yes, I eat vegetables, nuts, fruit, meat, rice, sugar, dessert, and fast food .
“I eat.” And that is something the young girl looking in the mirror four years ago could not say.” I eat.”
Luv, Liv