I used to think the best way to go through life was to expect the worst. That way, if it happened, you were prepared, and if it didn’t happen, you were pleasantly surprised. I believed with that mindset you could never be disappointed. However, then I was broken up with. Needless to say, expecting the worst didn’t prepare me at all. If anything, I grieve for all of the wonderful moments in life that I could have endured, but instead held back to avoid the feeling of rejection or regret.
This story illustrates how the concept of foreboding joy is a method of minimizing vulnerability. It is best understood as a continuum that runs from “rehearsing tragedy” to what I call “perpetual disappointment.” We try to beat vulnerability to the punch and don’t want to be blindsided by hurt. We don’t want to be caught off-guard, so we literally practice being devastated or never move from self-elected disappointment.
However, when we spend our lives pushing away vulnerability, we can’t hold space open for the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure of joy. For many of us, there’s even a physiological response– a “coming out of our skin” feeling. We’re desperate for more joy, but at the same time we can’t tolerate the vulnerability.
This is the time to live in the present. It is time to stop holding back and experience the joyful moments. Although, sometimes it may not work out and you may end up feeling hurt, in the end you will be able to genuinely experience true joy, something that we all deserve.
Luv, Liv